a walk to remember...

i hate missing people.
it's the feeling i avoid the must.
but tonight, i couldn't help myself from missing you badly.
should i blame myself for it?

I don't know why, but recently, i often got this kind of feeling that something was going to happen, especially concerning the people closest to my heart. And as far as i remember, the story always began with my very own thoughts.

On one fine day when i was at work, this name of a great sister of mine, Gloria, suddenly showed up in my mind. I wondered how she was going up there in Sunshine Coast (Queensland), but felt reluctant to stop a moment from what i was doing to send her a short message. I thought the message could always wait till lunch time while the documents couldn't. As i continued with my busyness, there was a buzz on my mobile. And when i checked it out, i was stunned enough to read the name of the sender: Gloria. I read the message by heart, and as I replied it, I told her how the thought of her had just came across my head just before she sent me the message.

On another occassion, a similar thing happened concerning my other sister (to be exact, my "twin"!!), Irene, who now lives in Bandung. That day, as soon as i "felt" her name in my heart, i instantly grabbed my mobile and wrote a few-lines of "hello, how r u doing?!". I got the reply not long after i clicked the "send" button. What amazed me more was her reply that said, "Hey Met! (yes, she calls me by this nickname "Meti") Do you know that before i got your message, i was just about to write you an sms?" O well.. at that time, i thought how close could our bonding as "twins" be, that we could think of sending each other some news at quite a very same second.

The story continued when one day, i was reminded of the sweet memories i shared with another dear sister, Inawati, who now lives with her beloved husband in Brisbane. It's been a while since the last time she sent me updated news about her, so I decided that a quick hello could bring a sunshine on her way. Thanks to advance telecommunication technology, it only took seconds before my eyes caught her first line of reply, "Ey Non! Tau ga, barusan aja g mau ngirim sms ke elu. Sorry dah lama ga kirim kabar, biasa ga ada pulsa." (for those English-speaking people who read this.. sorrryy.. =p) Gossshhh!! I felt like my heart was being splashed with cool waters when I read it. Though i glad i made the first move, i wonder how we, thousands of miles apart, could be connected with similar feeling? Yet, up to this point, i still consider it as normal, coz when i was in Bne, i shared a tight friendship bonding with her.., so i felt it was kind of usual for friends to miss each other at the same time eventhough they're parted between two continents.

The next story was a bit different, coz it happened not between sisters, but me and a lovely brother, Dicky. It happened last Monday when i had an overtime in the office. As i was rushing here and there to finish some materials for next day's presentation, my mind suddenly turned towards him. I didn't respond to the urge in my heart to send a short hello, and without realizing it, it was already 8.30 p.m. when my job was done. While i was waiting in the reception area for my dad to pick me up, there was an incoming message on my cell. And as you might've guessed, yes it's from Dicky! In the sms, he said he was just buzzin' by to say hi. Well, that time i felt pretty bad at myself for not making the first move, yet i told him that i had thoughts of him too sometime before the night fell.

This last story was the most amazing from all. It just happened yesterday afternoon regarding my sweet, adorable lil sis, Amelia. Weekend had just started, and i had no plan how to spending it.., so i decided to go where my feet lead me to. As my parents asked me where i was going, i couldn't properly answer for i didn't know exactly where i wanted to go. But suddenly this name "Amelia" came to my mind, so i said, "I'm visiting Amelia at her house later when she's got back from uni."

On the taxi that brought me away, i felt like going to a brother's house so i ended up at his house at about 6 p.m. Lucky me, he was at home since i didn't plan the visit at all. As we were having a light chat in his working room, my mobile phone rang. And when i read the name on the screen, i was a bit surprise coz it's written "Amelia-home". I picked it up only to find another surprise for i didn't hear her sweet voice over the line as usual, but instead, i caught her crying voice on the other end. Confused, i asked her what's going on. She couldn't answer me well and kept crying. Didn't exactly know what to do, i promised to visit her a.s.a.p. and asked her to wait for me at home. At first she refused coz it might be too late for me to come. (thanks to Jkt traffic that always makes short distance like a really long one!) But then she agreed, and without much thinking, my brother offered to drive me there.

On our way to Amelia's house, i couldn't keep thinking about this so-called "coincidence", and i kept blaming myself for not following my heart. See, i had her name on my mind before that afternoon, and i even told my parents that i'd be visiting her. Yet something along the way distracted me from my orignal plan, and though i ended up at the same place where i was supposed to be from the beginning, i wonder if her crying was necessary to "get me back on track". At the same time, i couldn't help myself but thinking why these things keep happening to me. It was just strange that series of events seemed to make me realize that i might have this gift of foreseeing.

I couldn't clearly write the feeling i had on the way to Amel's house. I was anticipating to give her my best hug, but i still tried to control my own emotion as well. So i decided to enjoy the ride (my brother took me on a motorbike.. =)) when my eyes swiftly caught a small stall on the right side of the road that sold martabak. Realizing i hadn't got my dinner, i told my brother how nice it could be to have some martabak as my dinner. My brother offered to stop for a while and eat, but the urge in my heart to see my lil sis as soon as i could was greater than my appetite.. =)

I felt extraordinary glad when we finally got to her house. And though i forgot to give her a hug, we had a really looooonnnnngggg chat up to 10.30 p.m. Before i decided to go home, i got an sms on my mobile. It was from my dad. He offered to pick me up, but the most interesting part was, he told me that he was on the way to Taman Ratu to buy some martabak!! I couldn't believe my eyes when i read it that i showed the message to my brother.

O well well well. I don't know that this gift of foreseeing has gone beyond what i expected. Not that i'm only able to feel close connections with people, but also food!! =) Yet i'm still wondering, is this really a "gift"? Or does it happen simply because i hold those people just too close to my heart? But if the answer for the 2nd question is "yes", then how about the "martabak experience"? Could we just call it by simple coincidence?

There are snowstorms.
There are hailstorms.
There are rainstorms.
And there are doubtstorms.
[Max Lucado, "In the Eye of the Storm"]

thanks, you.
after all that we've been going through,
life has only proved me one thing,
that i still hold on this fear:
the fear of being loved.
so, please be patient,
i'm only a diamond in the making.

what's happening to me?
i'm feelin' blue out of nowhere.

It's only 2:57 pm according to the clock shown on my computer desktop. I'm in the office, but my brain is somewhere else. I was dreaming a really really big dream, right after my lunch time was over, up till now..
There in my dream, i imagined what my future life would be in the next few years. And as fantasies kept coming upon my head like waves crashing the sea-rocks, I couldn't help my fingers but typing those dreams into an e-mail message and sending it over to a dear brother.
O well, i hope he won't laugh as he opens the message and starts reading about the childish dreams. I'm not hoping much for those dreams to come true anyway. I was simply happy that now, someone else knows what I've been keeping in my heart along this time, by myself..

someone introduced me to this line below:
"cogito ergo sum"
it's a Latin phrase which means,
"I think, therefore I am" or "I think, therefore I exist".
but that person changed the meaning slightly to,
"I smile, therefore I am" or in bahasa Indonesia, "Saya tersenyum, maka saya ada."
N somehow, i like the paraphrased meaning than the original one!! *blink*
thanks, you.

Pernah liat iklannya Nokia6230 yang belum lama ini launching? Berhubung advertisementsnya masih gencar2nya, tu iklan jadi serasa bisa gw liat dimana2. Ya di billboards di hampir semua jalan raya yg gw lewatin, di Femina mingguan yg notabene ditujukan buat para wanita, di majalah SWA yg targetnya adalah pengusaha2 berkocek, sampe di Kompas yang pembacanya mungkin mencakup seluruh Indonesia - tua muda, kecil besar, kaya miskin, jelek atau cakep.. =) So.. simply gw bisa liat Nokia6230 itu dimana-mana, tiap hari.., terutama sejak I owned one of it myself for almost a month now.. =D

Yang sering perhatiin iklan, pasti tau slogan yg khusus dibuat utk Nokia type ini. Kalo di bahasa Inggrisnya ditulis, "Nokia6230 - For All the Lives You Lead", bahasa Indonesianya berbunyi, "Noka6230 - Untuk Dinamika Hidup Anda". Dan ga tau kenapa, meski udah berkali2 baca tag-line itu, baru tadi malem waktu gw lewat di sekitar Grogol, that sentence strucked my head more than just an ad.

Gw ga tau apa ini sekedar kebetulan atau bukan, tapi memang hampir empat minggu terakhir setelah Nokia6230 berwarna tin grey ini jadi milik gw, hidup gw emang jadi dynamic banget. Bukan berarti dulu hidup gw itu idle loh, tapi emang hampir bersamaan dengan saat 6230 ini gw pindahin dari satu toko di Roxy ke rumah gw, hidup gw jadi lebih colourful, dan banyak kejadian2 yg ga terduga terjadi. N honestly, i'm kind of enjoying this brighter life of mine. I love suprises that come and greet me at each hidden corner along the way, n when the surprise doesn't show itself up as i expected, i find myself missing n waiting for it only to get an even greater surprise in the end.

Salah satu contohnya.. after I got my grab on this cell, i met someone, unexpectedly, who later became a wonderful brother for me. N with this cell, gw udah ga bisa ngitung lagi udah berapa banyak sms yg terkirim dan gw terima dari dia. Luckily, 6230 punya kapasitas memory yg cukup gede utk nyimpen semua kenangan, he2.

Another true story, ga lama setelah gw beli my stunning 6230, my boss offered me to take over another division in my office which promises me greater responsibilities, and of course, salary. Dan setelah gw pegang divisi ini, kehidupan kerja gw di kantor emang totaly revolutionized. Ga ada lagi critanya gw bisa maen Spider Solitaire even waktu lunch time. Yg ada di pikiran cuma proposal, closing deal, confirmation letter, presentation, etc.. etc.. Dan meskipun kerjaan gw jadi 2 kali lipat lebih banyak, gw enjoy banget!! Mungkin karena emang pada dasarnya gw itu ga bisa diem orangnya..

So kesimpulannya.. Nokia6230 ini emang match banget sama gw!! Waktu pertama liat sih sebenernya gw ga demen, tapi itu karena gw pas ngeliatnya yg warna item. Nah setelah liat yg tin grey, gw langsung jatuh cinta dan yakin bahwa ponsel ini tuh "gua banget"!! Emang sih, sebelum 6230 ini, gw tuh sayannnnggg banget sama my old 8310. Itu 8310 udah nemenin gw kemana2 selama 2 taon setengah lebih, dan jam terbangnya udah tinggi banget. Mulai dari Sydney sampe Bandung, udah dia jalanin. Semua kejadian yg mungkin org laen ga tau, 8310 gw tau. Dan kalo dia bisa ngomong, mungkin 8310-lah benda terbaik yg bisa menceritakan segala ups and downs gw..

Tapi sekarang 8310 gw udah pensiun.. Meski hati gw ga rela dan ga tega banget, tapi ya mo gimana lagi. Kasian dia, terakhir2 udah sering error.., mungkin udah cape ngikutin gw yg ga bisa diem ini terus, he2. Dan untungnya, setelah ngelewatin berbagai pertimbangan sampe naik banding segala, gw bisa meyakinkan bokap untuk ga nuker tambah 8310 gw itu.., karena biar gimana, that cell stores the many sweet memories of mine (in form of short messages) yg sewaktu2, when i'm feeling blue, i still can look them up and smile when being reminded of the oldies..!!

Dan sekarang gw cuma berharap.. 6230 gw bisa menjalankan tugas sebaik si Eternity 8310.. ;)

a graduation
is a time to celebrate
all the hardworks and perilous journey you've gone through this far..

a graduation
is a time to reflect
on past struggles and consistent effort that have made you reach this stage of life..

a graduation
is a time of preparation
before you embark this ride ahead of you..,
an expedition of what real life is all about..

one day..
when tides of life and worries of the future weary your soul,
i pray that you would take your time and remember how you've achieved this day.

and after the contemplation,
i know that you will not make your accomplishment a waste
for giving up on temporary defeat.

ps: the poem above is lovingly and thoughtfully presented to a dear friend of mine far in Sydney..
Tonight he celebrated his achievement of years of continuous studies, and though i missed my chance for celebrating the precious occasion with him (yes, the makan2!! =p), i just want to wish him the very best for the future. So for you, Jimmy Kurniawan BEng MTM (Bachelor of Telecommunications Engineering, Master of Technology Management - University of New South Wales), i convey my deepest proud n congratulate you on your graduation day..!
Keep going, bro.. The journey has just yet begun. =)

what a day!! =)

today when i first saw the book being displayed,
i suddenly felt both the excitement and satisfaction just as a young mother would feel when anticipating to hold her new baby born in her hands.
although my very own name was not written there,
i boldly know that i had my part in its publishing.
i had my prints on the pages of the books that no one knows,
that as my fingers flip around it, i still could recall vibrantly the past days when my thoughts and attention were fully dedicated toward its completion.
the book indeed is a monument bestowed upon me;
a remembrance that all things are possible to those who believe,
a celebration of days of perseverance.

Tadi sore gw sempet ngobrol di telpon sama satu temen dari Choice.
Gw lupa dari mana asal-usulnya, tau2 dia bisa ngomong gini,
"Sebenernya ga ada pasangan yang bener-bener cocok.
Adanya pasangan yang dicocok-cocokin."
[diambil dari kata2nya mbak Uli, kakaknya Paramitha Rusady, on Mitha's 2nd wedding day recently]

Hm.. bener banget ya?! Gw setuju tuh. Makanya gw ga suka ada kata "idaman". Soalnya seringkali yg kita idam2kan tuh ga seperti kenyataannya. Masalahnya, waktu kita akhirnya dapetin sesuatu, tapi ga seperti yg kita idam2kan, can we deal with disappointment n accept it just the way it is? Coz all i know is, every gift given to us by the Almighty, no matter how bad the wrapping looks like, is a blessing indeed.

Hati manusia menyimpan terlalu banyak keinginan
Kepalanya menyusun terlalu banyak rencana
Ada baiknya, sang manusia, sesekali menatap mata kanak-kanak
Untuk bisa kembali menyadari:
Kebahagiaan datang karena kita memberi
Cinta ada karena kita berbagi
Ketakutan sirna karena kita tak punya rasa dengki

Dan untuk hidup, itu cukup.

(Puisi Srilanka - Anonim)

Kelak nanti ketika aku sedang mengandung bayiku,
aku akan berdoa kepada Tuhan untuk memberikan kepada anakku mata yang sebening cermin. Supaya aku bisa berkaca di situ. Aku mau minta Tuhan sisipkan bintang di matanya. Supaya orang bisa melihat sinarnya. Sinar kebaikan. Sinar kemurahan hati. Dan kelak saat ia sedang bercerita kepadaku dengan bibir mungilnya, aku dapat memandangi matanya supaya sinar matanya, dapat menembus juga ke dalam hatiku.

[terinspirasi dari sebuah cerpen di Femina No.19/2004, "Lampion Buat Ibu" by Susi Hutapea]

Kemaren gw ke Dufan sama anak2 cewek di kantor. ceritanya Girls' Outing gitu. Seru deh. Kita pergi berempat: gw, mbak Wiwis, Yani n Fitri. Wah sampe di sana jam setengah dua belas, langsung maen Perang Bintang. Bete gw soalnya jempol tangan jadi sakit gara2 mencet-in pistol yg ternyata, emang gw pas lagi dapet pistol yg butut aja, he2. Keluar dari Perang Bintang, tau2 udah disambut sama ujan deres banget. Akhirnya kita makan dulu di McD sekalian berteduh. Selesai makan, lanjut lagi maen Arung Jeram. Sebelumnya, Wis, Yani n Fit pada beli ponco dari plastik, gw sih males banget. Hasilnya.. dari berempat, gw yg paling basah!! Bukan cuma gara2 gw ga beli ponco, tapi emang gw salah pilih tempat duduk di "kapal"-nya. Posisi gw itu ternyata posisi yg paling kena ombak dan aer!! Ampun dah.. tabah, tabah..

Tapi itu masih mending. Waktu maen Niagara Gara lebih nyebelin lagi, karena pas sebelum keretanya sampe ke puncak, kita itu literally disemprot sama something yg mirip siraman kembang!! Sebel ga sehhh!! Yg laen sih pada bilang seru.., ya terang aja soalnya mereka terlindungi sama ponco. Lah gw? Lepek abissssss!!! Tapi gpp.. lepek2 gitu jadi seksi.. huahuahua!!!

Setelah maen kira2 8 wahana, kita memutuskan untuk bersantai sejenak sambil ngadem di Istana Boneka.. =P Asik deh, gelap2 gitu di lorong, duduk nyantai di kapal yg melaju pelan di air tak berombak (apa cobaaa?!), ngeliatin boneka yg pake baju bermacam2 suku n bangsa.. Sayangnya banyak boneka2 yg udah ga kerawat lagi. Rambutnya kumel, bajunya kucel. Yg paling lucu sih boneka2 binatangnya, apalagi yg sapi sama kuda nil dicat warna-warni.., tapi gw lupa ya tu binatang perwakilan dari negara mana ya?!

Pas ngelewatin boneka2 dari kawasan Eropa, gw langsung jadi mellow gitu. Apalagi waktu liat miniatur jembatan di Venezia sama menara Eiffel.., gw langsung kebayang bahwa suatu hari, tepatnya pas gw lagi honeymoon, gw bakal ngunjungin tempat2 itu sama my husband (whoever he'll be.. =P). Gw pengen banget jalan2 under Europe's friendly sunshine n ngerasain the scent of its cold breeze.
Malem2 jalan2 berdua sambil gandengan tangan ngeliatin lampu2 di taman sekitar Eiffel (duh, abege banget ga seh?!), trus nyewa gondola n make my wish under the bridge (eh btw, dari Paris ke Venezia jauh kan yah?! kok di cerita gw bisa jadi nyambung gini seh.. hehe).

Siangnya, shopping sepuas2nya sambil cuci mata di pusat mode ternama di dunia, trus kalo udah capek, ngaso sebentar sambil ngasih makan burung2 di cafe pinggir jalan.. Besok2nya, perjalanan dilanjutin ke England utk foto dengan latar belakang BigBen n sukur2, bisa ngeliat Prince William lagi berkuda meski cuma di postcard doang.. =D

Terus terus.. dari situ lanjut ke Holland, the city under the sea, buat liat Windmill sama nyobain pake bakiak yg gede banget (jadi inget sepatu ulekannya temen gw.. =P). Abis itu ke German buat liat bunga2 aneka warna yg ditata rapi n beli suvenir batu (yg katanya) bekas pecahan dari Tembok Berlin. 'N finallyyyy.. the rest of the trip bakal gw abisin di Eropa Timur, yg sering orang bilang cantiiiikkk banget dengan pemandangan plus kota2 tuanya!!

Hoahhh!! Puas gw jalan2.. meski cuma dalam khayalan, he2. Tapi emang sih, Europe itu would be my target destination for my honeymoon, terserah future husband gw setuju ato ga, hehe. (btw, tadi lupa nyebutin EuroDisney ya?? --> it's a must too!!) Masalahnya.. marriednya aja gw ga jelas kapan n sama siapa.. apalagi jalan2nya?! (hm.. jadi sebenernya yg gw incer dari getting married itu cuma the honeymoon trip doang?! parah parahhh!! =P)

am i in love?
i don't know.
all i know is the world seems to be a better place to live these days.

am i in love?
i don't know.
i just know that my life seems to be brighter and alive recently.

am i in love?
i don't know.
i just know that i put more smiles on my face and share extra laughters with others lately.

am i in love?
i don't know.
i just know that i find myself once again trapped in that fear of being disappointed.

am i in love?
i don't know.
i just know that i have these questions in my heart which no one could ever answer but myself.

am i in love?
i don't know.
i just know that i keep contemplating on doubts that might not be true.

am i in love?
i don't know. i really really don't know.
and do i want to know?
i don't know either.
all i know is this feeling i'm having, torments.

a few years ago, i had a friend who used this phrase as his display name on MSN,
"c'est la vie."
i nearly forgot those words until this morning, i bumped into a page on a book which had exactly that same phrase in it. as i tried to speak the phrase (i just love the sound of the wordings. for my ears, it's plainly beautiful!), something in my heart urged me to look up the meaning, and here it is as written on the net:
"that's life!"
i've never imagined the meaning to be so simple to cause my brain to start thinking about all the things concerning life..: fate, destiny, future, hope, and so on..
yet above every fact connected to life, the very line below has always been the only one to astound me whenever i hear it being said,
"life always goes on.."

i never knew that i could feel both gloomy and happy at the same time.
but now i know, that having this kind of feeling, could hinder me from thinking n doing things logically.

how do you define "love"?

the bliss of yesterday's night event back in Samadi Shalom, Cipanas, is somehow rewinding and playing itself in my memory. and i still can picture it as vividly as if i'm now watching a video tape of the recording.
n how i miss everything.. the heat, the fun, the pressure, the laughters, the sweat, everything!!
but most of all, i miss the people i decide to call as a family.. and i can't hardly wait for our next renewal meeting!!

i learned that there's no other & better way to lead,
than to be an example to and share your life with the people we lead.

i'm simply satisfied,
and relieved too!! =)

updated 25 May @ 7:14pm:
The blog was written on the night upon my arrival from an unforgetable event held somewhere in Puncak. 3 weeks ago when i was first asked to be the event coordinator, i felt so reluctant and incapable of doing it. Yet for some reasons, i decided to take the responsibility and walked step by step towards the big day. Hours of meetings, drafts of ideas, minutes of phone calls, and immeasurable support and prayers from friends, were the ones closest to me during the days of preparation. Many times i felt like giving up, many days i stumbled on empty thoughts of what the event would be like.
Now, i've passed those uncertain days elatedly. The event has proved me that two are better than one; that the miracle of friendship, love and forgiveness, encompass every incapability, impossibility and hurt we might feel in our heart.
I would never forget both the pressure and fun we shared on the night before the big day. Though we all felt exhausted, the power of teamwork gave us the extra strength to stay up till late (yes, very late!) and finish everything just well.
I was so glad that God gave me a great privilege of knowing all the wonderful people i worked with on this project. These people, although i've only known them for only a short period of time, have established themselves in my life as great leaders and co-workers. Now, while i thanking each one of them in my heart, i can proudly say that i have THE BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD!! And for you, all CHC156 players, ciayo!! ;)

Tonight just before i logged out the internet connection, there was a buzz on my mobile.
A lovely message from a brother appeared on the cell screen. When i read it, i feel a fresh touch in my heart n soul, n i just knew that the message has delivered me a good-nite hug that will surely put me into a deep sleep tonight..
"Cukupkan dirimu dgn dunia.
Syukuri segalanya.
Ketika dirimu mengerti bhw tdk ada yg kurang,
kamu dapat memiliki seluruh dunia.
Sweet dream sis."
Thanks, bro..!!

This week's been a long one for me.
Many things happened n many memories were made, but i simply haven't got the chance to write them all in my lovely blog..
I am completely exhausted, but somehow i know i still have that spark in the very corner of my soul..; a spirit, which no matter how tiny it is, can keep me going for the hectic days yet to come.
N tonight, i simply miss my bed, my pillow, n the coziness i feel whenever i lay my head n think of nothing but heavenly rest; coz i'm sure i can't get enough of it at least up to the next 4x24hrs..!! =(

all i need now
is a space to breathe.

life is chaos personified.
[a quote from the movie "Serendipity"]

i'm kind of addicted to this lyric below.. (blame it to the Pond's tv ad..=p)

"Walau badai menghadang..
Ingatlah 'ku kan s'lalu setia menjagamu.."
[Ada Band, "Masih Sahabat Kekasihku"]

n i'm now wondering.. who's the lucky man who would sing that song just for me one day.. ;)

hari ini gw belajar sesuatu tentang this thing called "hope". that no matter how dark the road might be, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.

tadi sore, on the way to church to attend a class, i was trapped in a traffic jam in a taxi. when the taxi driver was complaining about the traffic chaos, my eyes suddenly caught a smile of a man on the road. this man was of middle age, and he was selling fried tofu from car to car. when i saw him, he was standing in the midst of the traffic jam, and right after i saw him putting a big smile on his face, he ran towards a car whose driver called him to buy a tofu.

ini sebenernya bukan pemandangan baru buat gw. cerita kayak gini tuh udah jadi makanan sehari2 penduduk Jakarta. waktu lagi macet, pasti banyak tukang jualan, pengamen, peminta2, etc.. yg nyamperin mobil kita. but this afternoon's story was exceptional. the smile of the tofu seller has touched my heart deeply. i only wish i could describe how happy he looked when (finally) someone wanted to buy his tofu. see.. this man probably had been walking by hundreds of cars today, before eventually someone realized that he/she is hungry and a tofu would be great to fill the cramping stomach.

i compared this tofu man to other sellers on the road. many of them were sitting on the pathwalk, making themselves unseen by the car drivers. i knew that the tofu man must feel very tired too (thanks to the hot Jakarta weather), but instead of resting, he kept standing and walking in the midst of the crowd!! could you imagine what would happen if this man decide to sit with his friends even for a while? he would miss the chance to sell a tofu because the car driver would not be able to see him & shout to him to come!!
and as i grasped this man's smile, i just knew that he had never put down his hope that amongst hundreds of cars that passed him by today, there would be the lucky one who eventually stop and buy his delicious tofu.

so.. a message for myself was.., "No matter how far i might have walked the journey, no matter how i desperately want to quit & end everything, i might just be too close to the finish line."

listen with your heart,
and speak with your mind.
never do the opposite.

i'm missing someone..,
i just don't know wheter or not this feeling is supposed to be there..

i've just had an almost-2hrs-but-nice phone conversation with a brother..,
n how our chit-chat has made me to once again realize how abundantly blessed i am to have this current life of mine!!

n once again, i was amazed by this thing called "friendship",
that it doesn't know boundaries nor gaps..

i've just known this new brother of mine for only.. say, 3 weeks, but it's like i've known him for ages.
i don't know what about him, but i really enjoyed our talk (n friendship, of course!!).. =)
this afternoon just right before i decided that i need someone to talk to and chose him, i was feeling gloomy n in despair.
n it's beyond my own imagination that he could cheer me up (more than he realized too, i guess..), the second i heard his voice over the line!!
see.. we are almost 7.5yrs apart in age, yet he has never looked nor put me down..,
but was successful in lifting my spirit up n making me feel better about myself.

so for you, bro.. i thank you for this afternoon!! =)

i have soooo many thoughts in my mind,
but somehow couldn't put them down in writings.
and how i hate such situation!!

it's only 2.56p.m. according to the time shown on my computer,
but i lost my working mood already.
*sigh*.. can i stand for 2 more hours?

o well, the good news is.., i've finished this great book!!
n as i thought before, it contains a stunning idea, simply presented with dry humors which surely force the readers to put a smile on their face (as it surely did to me!!)
two thumbs up for my brother!!

if it is only through dream that i can be close to you,
then i am willing to be asleep and open my eyes never again.

from all the many roles i have to play at my current stage of life..;
as an assistant business consultant,
as the owner of my new-born business,
as an event coordinator at my religious community,
as a boss of my two staff, two maids at home (who call me by "kakak" =)), n one office-boy at the office,
as a friend of hundreds of people all around the world,
as a sister of numerous brothers n sisters (both older and younger),
as a daughter of my mother n father,
and many more..;
i enjoy my role as Daddy's little princess the most..,
coz it is the only character i can play without wearing a mask.

i am tired of always being someone to make the first move.
can i just sometimes be a devotee?