a walk to remember...

it's a good thing to know that
love actually, is all around us. =)

aku sadar luka itu masih ada di sana.
selama ini, aku hanya bisa menutupinya,
tanpa berhasil menyembuhkannya.
ketika sesuatu menyentuh bekas luka itu,
aku masih dapat merasakan sakitnya.
dan aku pun tahu,
bahwa aku masih harus berlari dalam penantian lama
yang tak pernah terlihat ujungnya.

langkah awal itu indah.
tetapi langkah akhir yang menentukan.

dan tidak pernah ada penyerahan piala di perempat final ataupun semi final.
penyerahan piala selalu ada pada akhir pertandingan.

so, play well, o my soul..
and be faithful to the very end.

tonight was simply lovely.
thank you, ko.

and for my beloved sis,
be strong!!
know that for me, you are a beautiful, irresistible woman, inside and out.
please consider it.

i'm living in a castle,
far in the heart of a harsh forest.

i'm cold.
and i'm locking my heart now,
tossing the key out of the pane.

only a real prince
would stand the cruel shrubs.
and finding the key,
straight to my heart.

i'm just a doll.
a doll has attracting physical appearance, but it doesn't have heart.
it can't feel love.
just like me now.
i'm numb.
i'm afraid to love,
and anxious to be loved, by anyone.
thus, leave me.
i'm not worthy of anyone's care.

to know me is the biggest mistake you've ever done in your life.
so, don't you try to love me now.
please.

i've just found out today that major part of a painstaking project i've been doing for almost the past five months, has to be totally revised.
and now i feel like crying. and screaming.
no, actually i feely like fuming at someone.
i wonder if the advise for changes isn't yet too late? or should i be thankful that i was advised today, not later?

aaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!!!
don't u understand how much time, energy, and thoughts i've put into the project?
couldn't u be more considerate before the job's going to far?
why have u never said anything? not even advising that you're about to amend it?!

i'm wholy drained.
is this a perfect time for a break?

i desperately hope this movie will get to screen in Indo somehow.
nonetheless, i'll make sure i'll get my hands on the dvd, no matter how long it takes!!

btw, kalo udah gini, jadi kangen mau balik ke oz.. soalnya di sana udah maen filmnya.. =(

this afternoon the doctor has taken off all the stitches of my surgery.
the process was really hurting that no matter how strong i tried to stand the pain, it finally got me burst into tears.
nevertheless, i had to go through it. unless the stitches would forever cause rough marks on my skin.

i wonder the same has to happen to our hearts.
for every bitterness, disappointment, and rejection we had in our lives, we have to undergo a surgery named "Grace".
the "Almighty Doctor" assures us that the surgery will defintely go well. we will feel nothing but deep peace because when the operation takes place, our body is made numb by this anesthetic drug called "Blood of Jesus".
what determines our recovery is the process afterward. the surgery stitches have to be removed by going through a so-called "Forgiving" method.
and i'm certain that the method is not easy. it'll surely hurt us to our heart.
so we are now left with a choice. going through the process and get our broken heart healed smoothly, or avoiding the pain but living with a jagged heart, forever..?

this page is specially n thoughtfully dedicated as a birthday present to my wonderful brother whose existance in my life has shown me how precious life can be.

for koko.., happy birthday!! enjoy the gift.
to others, happy reading.

everyone in the office said today i look whiter and brighter.
setelah gua pikir2, kok jadi kayak iklan produk kecantikan ya?! =P

i gave myself a treat today. I went to this shop at PuriMal and had a browse. Much to my surprise, i paid for four items at the counter. I got this, this, this, and this. Whewww! what a shopping!!

i listened to them all and decide for this to be my favorite. I looked up the web and now i want the collectible version.
Anyone?? *blink*

"impossible" is not a fact.
it is an opinion.

Gua udah lamaaa banget jarang dengerin lagu2 Indo.. Sampe suatu hari, waktu lagi kejebak macet di jalanan gara2 ujan, sopir gua nyetel radio.. Dan melantunlah lagu ini yang bikin gua stunned.., coz isinya "gua banget", which means gua bener2 bisa ngerasain lagu itu "hidup" karena isi liriknya sama persis dengan apa yang gua alamin di awal tahun ini..
So.. below is the lyric.. And to the composer, thanks to you for writing such a beautiful song.., one that brings resemblance to that bittersweet memory.., and one that will be kept eternally in that private space of my heart.

berat bebanku.. meninggalkanmu
separuh nafas jiwaku.. sirna
bukan salahmu.. apa dayaku
mungkin benar cinta sejati tak berpihak.. pada kita

kasihku.. sampai disini kisah kita
jangan tangisi keadaannya
bukan karena kita berbeda
dengarkan.. dengarkan lagu... lagu ini
melodi rintihan hati ini
kisah kita berakhir di januari

selamat tinggal kisah sejatiku
wow... pergilah...

"januari"
composer/lyricist >> glenn fredly

today was my first sunday service, without seeing you.
and somehow, as the praise & worship started, my tears welled up in the corners of my eyes, remembering all the sweet memories of ours..
i remember how you, with your cheerful yet peaceful smile, would greet all the people coming in.
i remember how you, would hug tightly your closest ones, expressing how you'd missed them during the week.
i remember how you, with your unending spirit, would minister joyfully, ensuring that everyone would get the utmost of the blessings available from above.
i remember everything about you.. and i simply miss you, sister.

thanks for the phone call you made. promise me you'll take a gentle care of yourself until the day we'll see each other again. and my belated thank you, for those two bracelets you gave me on your departure day. whenever i wear those purple & glittery bangles, i'm always reminded of your sparkling yet warm spirit.

ps: this writing is gratefully presented to a sister of mine, Sary Latief. She had made the choice and took a big step, leaving on 8th February to Australia in fulfilling the calling God's placed upon her life.
My sincere prayer's always with you, sis.

hey you!
many thanks for the 7mins 9secs call you made this afternoon.
you did it again.., surprising me!
and i apology, i've never meant to be "hiding" for you to seek me.. =)

when we were little, everything seemed big to us.
but as we grow, we will perceive everything as small.

isn't this guy awesome?
from him, i've learnt what charisma is all about.

Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Element is Wind.
You are light-hearted, care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious.
You have friends and most absolutely love you.
You can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging in anger the next so no one wants to get on your bad side.
Your beauty is inspiring and magical.

What's Your Element (girls)?
brought to you by Quizilla

someone complimented i look prettier.
thank you.

suatu waktu aku pernah bercakap-cakap dengan seorang temanku..,
"aku suka sekali memberi."
"kenapa?"
"karena aku ingin melihat senyum di wajah orang lain. aku ingin orang lain bahagia."
temanku menyunggingkan seulas senyum kecil di wajahnya dan melanjutkan..,
"lalu? jika si pemberi itu sendiri tidak bahagia, apa yang terjadi?"
dan aku hanya bisa terdiam.

rain.. rain..
it's flooding everywhere..
is mother nature crying?

i had an odd dream last nite.
although i can't exactly remember what it was all about,
i know for sure you were present there.

it might only be my own assumption,
but everyone seems to be in their good mood today.
and surely the world seems to be brighter,
when all we have around us is smile & laughter.

these last couple of days,
i've always woke up in the stillness of the night..
as if someone's gently whispering my name.

I opted for three sweetest Valentine presents for me, this year..
1) received on 11 Feb -- 3 packs of fresh blood donored when i was hospitalized a few days ago, by three people dearest to my heart: my sister, her special someone, & the best brother I've ever had in the world. [you guys are more than just a blessing to my life. I'll make sure that our bondings are forever treasured in my heart.]
2) received on 14 Feb -- a message from that special someone miles away from me.. Here's the writing, "hi. how r u? ... happy valentines day 2 u. I gave flower 2 ur picture & i said miss u..." [you will always be an exceptional for me, forever..]
3) received on 15 Feb -- a virtual red rose from a close friend who i always consider as a brother to me.. [thanks, bro.. for our unique yet enduring friendship. You've always been a light to my gloomy days.]

hybernating...

thanks much, you, for the long-distance call.
i couldn't deny that it surprised me in a sweet way.
despite all the barriers faced, i sincerely appreciate your effort.
and most of all, i respect you for fulfilling the promise you made.

for the past 3 years, i was successful in growing my hair long, after years of boyish haircut.
and during those years, i was struggling to the temptation of having my short hair back.
today, for indefinite reasons, i ultimately gave up to that alluring whisper in my heart,
so here i am, with a brand new look.

ps: i love this style. i can't deny it makes me look younger, while rejuvenating my mind & invigorating my spirit. besides, i never knew that having a new haircut can enliven my outlook of life!!

sometimes in the past, a few close friends n relatives asked me, "What kind of man are you looking for to be your husband?"
and i can remember getting perplexed each time that question hit me.., simply because i didn't know what kind of honest answer i had to give them.
but today, on my way home in a taxi, the answer came to my head without me even thinking about it.
so, all of you, here I present my belated answer,
"I am looking for someone who, after I alerted him of millions of true reasons of why he should leave me; by his own determination, commitment, and love; still chooses to spend his entire life forever by my side, as he watches me growing in beauty."

gua lagi sebel sama nama gua sendiri. Entah yang phrase-nya "Airin" atau "Aai" atau "Ai" atau "Rin", pokoknya sebellll!!!
Garanya2 anak2 di kantor, entah kenapa, sukaaaa banget manggil2 (or nyebut2?!) nama gua tanpa alasan yang jelas, cuma buat iseng2 doang!!! Jadi misalnya gini. Gua lagi tenang2 di meja kantor, tau2 bisa ada yang manggil dengan nada mulai dari normal sampe dibuat lucu...,"Airin!" Kan pasti gua sautin dong, "Yes?" Nah kalo udah disautin gitu, jawaban mereka pasti ngeselin semua deh, "Iseng aja kok Rin.." Ihhhh!! Pertamanya gua ga sadar kalo gua sering dikerjain kayak gitu. Tapi tadi, waktu ada kejadian persis kayak gitu lagi, satu temen gua nyeletuk gini, "Kayaknya kita sering banget ya ngisengin Airin. Begitu Airin diemmm dikit aja, pasti langsung kita godain deh." Ya ampunnnn.. gua baru sadar, ternyata mereka emang sengaja isengin gua tohhh!!! Huh!! Katanya sih mereka iseng demi kebaikan. Abis mereka bilang biasanya gua tuh lucu kalo lagi di kantor. Jadi kalo gua baru diem dikit aja, mereka jadi bingung n bawaannya pengen ngegodain mulu. Udah gitu mereka kesenengan, karena gua jadi tambah lucu kalo lagi digodain. Paraaaaahhh kan?! Kenapa mereka ga nyebut2 nama yang laen aja sih kalo lagi kumat jailnya? Staf di kantor ada 4 kok.. 6 sama bos!! [eh kalo nama bos sih keramat ya, ga boleh disebut sembarangan! =p]

Alesan gua sebel sama nama gua ga cuma di situ aja. Yang pernah baca blog gua sekitar bulan July 2003 lalu, pasti tau kalo dulu di tempat kerja gua yg kebab shop di Bne, juga pernah ada kejadian yg mirip. Ga tau kenapa, pernah ada satu hari dimana tante Nita, my supervisor, nyebut2 nama gua mulu..., "Ai, tu ada customer,".. "Ai, kalo udah pake, tray-nya dibersihin ya,".. "Ai, lantainya tolong disapuin dong,".. "Ai, satu kebab, lettuce, tomato, no onion, pake saos barbecue n hot chilli." Duh.. dalam sehari itu, entah berapa ratus kali gua denger "Ai, Ai, Ai, Ai.." mulu!! Hikss... Emang sih, "Ai" itu cuma terdiri dari 2 huruf, 1 suku kata. Jadi gampang diucapinnya. Tapi tolong donggg.. kasian kan kuping gua.

Alesan lain gua lagi sebel sama nama gua adalah karena gua keinget dulu pas jaman2nya gua masih sekolah di Indo. Gara2nya kalo sistem Indo, absensi itu pasti diurutin dari abjad pertama nama depan. Nah nama gua kan Airin, jadi gua selalu ditaro di absen urutan pertama!!! Sebelll!! Karena nama yang paling pertama lebih sering "kena getahnya". Dulu2, waktu guru2 belun pada kreatip, kalo suruh murid2 maju utk baca puisi, pasti selalu dari nomor satu, which was gua!! Jadi mau ga mau, siap ga siap, gua harus maju duluan sebelum anak2 lain. Tapi, setelah guru2 bosen ngurutin dari yg pertama mulu, mereka pilih sistem random. Tapi tetep aja, gua ga pernah kebagian urutan paling terakhir. Maksimum dapet giliran di tengah2 deh, setelah hampir setengah kelas maju ke depan. Yang paling gua sebel kalo udah ujian akhir olahraga. Karena ujian, guru2 males pake sistem random, karena takut salah nulis nilai di urutan namanya. Jadi selalu deh, gua nomor satu dites.. Mulai dari tes senam, basket, voli, renang.. semua deh!! Emang sih ada enaknya jadi yang pertama.. setelah tes, gua bisa tenang2 ngeliatin yg laen2 masih pada deg2an nunggu giliran. Tapi ga enaknya ya itu, yg nomor satu biasanya belon siap mental. Seengga2nya, gua pilih urutan ketiga or keempat deh.. Kalo disuruh jadi yg paling akhir juga ga mau seh, he2. Eh tapi pernah loh, ada kejadian seumur idup, dimana nama gua ga nongol di urutan pertama.. En kejadian itu terjadi karena.. gua sekelas sama anak yang namanya Adeline!! He2.. Kan nama dia depannya AD, sedangkan gua AI, jadi dia duluan deh.. =P Luckily, setelah gua sekolah di oz, mereka ngabsennya pake surname.. Which is nama belakang gua huruf depannya "S", jadi mendingan deh, meskipun agak2 bontot, dan kalo udah mo pulang, jadi mesti agak lama nungguin nama gua disebut sama lecturernya.

Hehe.. sesudah komplen sepanjang itu di atas, gua berasa mendingan. Sekarang gua jadi sayang lagi sama nama gua.. Karena kalo dipikir2, nama gua artinya bagus.. Kalo ga percaya, baca aja blog gua yg paling pertama yang bulan June 2003. N there u'll find the beautiful meaning hidden inside my name : Airin.. [cieeee!!!]

a deadly unending circle of an employee's life..

START== kerjaan numpuk (karena perintah bos yang "selalu baru tiap pagi", padahal yg lama aja blum kelar2!) dengan deadline yang "mematikan" -> forsir tenaga, waktu, pikiran, (n even uang.. =p) utk nyelesaiin semua "tepat pada waktunya" (padahal akhirnya sih banyak yang ketunda juga..) -> kecapean karena tiap hari lembur -> daya tahan tubuh menurun soalnya makan n istirahat jadi ga teratur -> sakit..!! Tu virus udah ketawa2 penuh kemenangan, soalnya dia udah lama nunggu waktu yg tepat to sneak in to the body when it's getting weaker -> terkapar, ga bisa ngerjain apa2.. Akibatnya, kerjaan terbengkalai!! -> waktu sakit, kerjaan mulai numpuk lagi -> setelah sembuh, pusing ngeliat kerjaan segitu banyaknya dengan deadline yg rasanya makin mepet aja -> lembur lagi to finish all before the "unrealistic" closing-date -> kecapean lagi, malah ditambah jadi stress -> sakit lagi!!! .................................................................................... == FINISH??

Jadi, when will the circle end? *sigh*
Eniwei, i love my job kok!!! [or trying to love it?!] hehehehehehe... -> ketawa menghibur diri sendiri.

simply my dream.

tadi nyempetin ngelongok blog-nya my sis..,
n dia bikin gua jadi tertarik ikutan personality test ini.
And the result is...

bener juga sih..
tadi sbenernya ada satu gambar lagi yg appealed ke gua.. tapi setelah gua pikir2, yang gua pilih ini lebih "gua banget", hehe.. =P

the next time i visit brisbane,
i'm longing to bring my little sis with me.
bcoz she deserves to experience
all the happiness i've tasted there.

why should you be in my past?
and why couldn't i erase you from my present,
if i know that i wouldn't hold you in my future..?

go..
and find your own happiness.
if you stay here with me,
i have nothing to give you..
but merely pain.

you don't deserve me.
you deserve someone better.

"Thanks much...
I miss you!"
don't u remember writing this line some time in the past?

>> part 1 continued.. <<
Setelah gua milih apple pie buat temen minum kopi sore itu, satu waiter anterin gua ke tempat duduk yang letaknya agak2 di pojok. Ternyata malem itu, jam 8, Metro TV ada live syuting acaranya Citibank di LaModa, dan ga semua meja bisa dipake buat pengunjung biasa. No wonder ada Denny Malik, karena he's the guest star.
Di belakang meja gua, ada satu meja lagi yang isinya mbak2 yg lagi ngurusin satu anak balita, sama dua ibu2. Pertamanya gua ga terlalu merhatiin mereka. Tapi setelah Denny Malik jalan ke meja itu dan ngobrol sama si ibu2, gua jadi mikir juga, siapakah gerangan mereka? Akhirnya gua memberanikan diri nengok ke belakang, dan gua liat salah satu ibu itu lagi dandan.. Well, sebenernya ga cocok juga disebut ibu, karena ternyata orangnya masih muda, dan cantik banget, meski cantiknya karena dandan, he2. Abis ngeliat gitu, gua cuma mikir, "Oh, paling kenalannya si Denny.."
En gua melanjutkan acara minum kopi.. [which was sore itu gua salah pesen menu gara2 mas-nya nawarin Irish Coffee yg ternyata paiiiiittttt banget!!], sambil ngeliatin kru2 Metro TV berbenah n Denny Malik latihan nyanyi beserta dancersnya. Sekali waktu pas gua nengok ke sekeliling, gua baru nyadar ternyata tu cafe udah dikerumunin sama pengunjung PI yg pengen liat tontonan gratis!! Duh.. ngerusak kesendirian gua aja.. hehe.
Lagi asik2nya Denny latian nyanyi, tiba2 dia ngomong, "Dan inilah.. Dewi Gita"!" Wah orang2 semua langsung pada tepok tangan, cuma gua aja yang masih bengong, kok orang2 jadi pada ngeliatin gua gitu.. Ternyata, dari meja di belakang gua, jalanlah si "ibu" cantik yang tadi gua liat lagi dandan itu.. Oalahhh.. ternyata dia Dewi Gita toh..?! Malunya.. Pantes orang2 ngeliatin.. gua duduk pas di depannya penyanyi terkenal sih!!
note: sore itu gua juga ketemu sama Ferdi Hasan [presenter acara Selamat Datang Pagi di RCTI], loh.. Tapi karena cara ktemuannya ga terlalu spektakuler, jadi ga gua ceritain di sini deh.. Lagian males, udah malem.. mo bobo.. =P

Kemaren gua jalan2 ke Plaza Indonesia.. sendiri..; sesuatu yang langka banget gua lakuin di Indo. Emang sih gua jalan2 sendiri sambil nungguin cici gua dateng nyusul ke PI.., tapi kan tetep aja gua jalannya sendirian, hehe.
Sore2 gitu di PI gua bingung deh mo ngapain. Udah tokonya mahal2, barangnya ga kebeli, gua males banget sama mbak2 penjaganya yang kalo kita baru buka pintu aja, dia udah nawarin ini itu.. Uhh sebelll..!! Pas gua masuk sih masih bisa pura2 jaim kayak orang kaya, padahal begitu liat tag harga.. duh, langsung merinding deh. Masa satu tas Aigner simpel aja bisa sampe 14 juta? Wah, bisa kasih makan orang sekampung-kampung dah tuh!
So.. udah males liat2 toko, gua memutuskan mau ngafe aja. Kebetulan gua kangennnn banget ngafe sendirian. Waktu di Bne sih sering. Makanya gua buru2 cari tempat yg enak buat ngopi. Sayangnya di PI ga ada cafe yg outdoor. Akhirnya gua milih cafe LaModa. Enak tempatnya, terbuka gitu di lantai 1, dan ada panggung buat live show-nya.
Karena itu cafe "terbuka", masuk2 gua langsung disambut sama tempat display cakes yang menyajikan kue2 beraneka ragam.., yang entah karena gua emang beneran lagi laper ato cuma laper mata doang, kok rasanya tu kue semuanya enak2 n menantang buat gua makan ya? Hehe..
So akhirnya mulailah gua berkonsentrasi ngeliatin satu2 kue2 itu, sambil nanya2 ke mas2 penjaganya, "Ini kue apa, Mas?".. ato.., "Kalo yg ini isinya apa, Mas?".. Ya pertanyaan2 umum orang yang takut salah beli, tapi penasaran juga pengen tau, hihi. Lagi asik2nya gua nanya2, tiba2 si mas penjaga ngelengos n senyum ke seseorang di belakang gue. Gue kan jadi bete gitu, pertanyaan gua jadi tidak terdengar deh sama si mas. Dalem hati gue mikir, "Ngeselin juga nih si mas. Dia pikir gua cuma nanya2 doang kali tanpa ada niat beli..", ditambah gua juga sebel sama si seseorang yang tau2 nongol di belakang gua, yang bikin gua jadi dicuekin sama si mas. Gua tunggu sedetik, dua detik.. eh tu si mas malah masih asik senyum2 sama that someone.
Akhirnya, karena kesel, gua pasang tampang jutek, ditambah dengan mata yang agak2 dibuat melotot (maklum, mata gua sipit.. =P), gua siap2 ngeliat ke belakang dengan maksud pengen tau siapa sih orang yang berani2nya ngerusak acara berburu kue gua.. Dan.. dengan tampang judes seperti itu, gua nengok.. ennnn.. mata gua beradu pandang (cieee.. norak abisss!!) dengan mata.. Denny Malik!! Duhhh malunya!! Udah gitu gua sempet2 ga nyadar lagi kalo orang itu adalah Denny Malik. Jadi untuk sedetik dua detik, gua masih melototin dia, sementara dianya melontarkan senyum yang teramat maniiissss (senyum seorang penyanyi dangdut.. =p) ke gua.. Haiiiyaaa!!